The Legendary Breakdown of Sirius Black
by pinkconchshell
Summary: Sirius is acting strange one night. Well, stranger than usual, anyway. Cute little Lily/James moment at the end, because that's how I roll. Just so you know, I was extremely hyper when started this, but then I fell asleep, so I'm sorry if it sucks. R/R


**The Legendary Breakdown of Sirius Black**

I own nothing

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When Lily and James entered the Gryffindor common room at precisely one-fourteen in the morning after enjoying a midnight broom ride through the country, they encountered an unexpected yet unsurprising sight.

Sirius Black, their closest friend, was lying spread-eagle in the middle of the carpet, balancing his wand on the edge of his nose.

What's more, he was singing 'Thriller'.

The newfound couple exchanged looks, and then shrugged, used to finding Sirius in unusual predicaments. They walked forward boldly to tell him the good news, holding hands.

"…And something evil's lurkin' in the daaaaarrrrk…."

"Hey, Padfoot," called James loudly, trying to be heard over Sirius' wailing.

"Guess what, mate?"

"…You see a sight that almost stops your heaaaaarrrrt…"

"Sirius!" Lily said, bending down to talk to him. "Stand up, we want to tell you something!"

"…As horror looks you right between the eyyyyyyyyeeeees…"

Lily and James frowned at each other, wondering if Sirius was just ignoring them or couldn't hear them. But she couldn't see any headphones, and he didn't detect any jinxes surrounding his friend.

" …'Cause this is THRILLER!!! THRILLER niiiiggghht, and no one's gonna save you from the beast about to striiiiiiiiiike…"

"SIRIUS!!!"

"WOOOO, HOOOO!!"

James (violently) nudged his side with his toe.

"Ah HA!" Sirius rolled over onto his stomach and started to make what was supposed to be a snow angel. He started to make strange sounds.

"Brrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Wawawawawawaaaaaaaaaa! Ooooooooooollllllllaaaaaa nooooooooooooodddddddddaaaaaaaaaa!!!"

Lily, who was quite frightened now, tentatively kneeled down at his side.

"Sirius," she said, trying to touch his arm. But when she did, he sprang up from the ground (without using his arms) and began to cartwheel around the common room, rolling his tongue the entire time.

"I think there's something wrong with him," James said, as they watched him zoom around the room, clapping his hands above his head and singing; "Ooh, eeeh, ooh ah ah, ting, tang, walla walla bing-bang, ooh, eeh, ooh ah ah, ting-tang wallawalla bing-bang! Dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow-dow…"

"Or he just had too much sugar." Lily said matter-of-factly.

Just then, Sirius tripped over a stack of books and parchment. He went flying into an armchair, and knocked it over, landing with his butt in the air.

Worried, Lily went to go see if he was alright, but when he began to blabber in Jive then she turned to James and said, "I think he needs to go to the hospital wing right away!"

"…sheet, man that honkey shore can dig it! I'll knock myself a pro slick, maybe see a broad gray matter to get that bodiac holmes! You sure is runnin col' upside down yo' head!"

"What does that even mean?" cried James, completely nonplussed.

"Look at this," Lily said quietly from somewhere on the floor. She was bending down, examining the stack of books and parchment that Sirius had tripped over.

"... hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and…"

"What is it?" asked James sinking into a squat beside his girlfriend.

"His homework." Replied Lily grimly. James started laughing.

"I think he was trying to do it for once," said James, still grinning. "And found it too hard to tackle."

"So you think he's having some kind of …. mental breakdown?" she asked, looking at Sirius, who was attempting to climb the wall.

"Hey, it could happen to anyone," he said lightly, putting an arm around Lily's waist.

"Hey, Lily!" It was Sirius. They looked around, shocked. He actually sounded normal. He was kneeling in front of the fire.

"You didn't tell me you cut your hair!" he said cheerfully.

"I-I didn't." She said, confused.

"Sure you did! See, there it is!" he gestured towards the fire. "Somebody put it in there and charmed it so it would sway like that without wind."

He said this like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Sirius, listen mate." James said seriously. "You've had some kind damage to your psychological-"

Sirius burst out laughing.

"What?" he asked, befuddled. Lily stared.

"You….said….pshycho…..logi….cal!!" He cackled, clutching his sides and rolling around on the floor.

"Sirius!" Shouted Lily.

"Black!" He shouted back. Then he sat back up, cross-legged, and began to hum 'Kumbaya' with his eyes closed and his hands folded. She sighed, exasperated.

"Do something!" Lily pleaded, James.

"Me?!"

"Yes, you!" she said.

"Why me?" James cried, running a hand through his hair.

"Because _you're_ his best friend! You get him!" she said.

"Yeah, I know, but I don't _get_ him. He's downright loony sometimes!" Said James defensively.

At this point in time, Sirius began to hyperventilate.

"Guys!" he choked, in a clearly phony prophetic voice.

"What?" They shot at him, annoyed.

"I know what you're going to name your son!"

Lily rolled her eyes, and James walked over to him.

"…Harry, Harry James Potter, and he's gonna look just like you mate, but he'll have Lily's sexy green eyes…"

"Sirius, shut up for a second, we want to talk to you."

"…and he'll be in Gryffindor, and he'll play Seeker, and he'll be really good at it, just as good as you are…"

"What happened before we found you laying down on the carpet, Sirius? Can you remember?"

"…and everybody's gonna know him, I mean, he did defeat him, and he's just gonna be a little tiny baby…"

"…if you could just shut your trap for about two seconds…"

"…and he'll fall in love with this redheaded chick, just like you did. Hahaha it's the Potter curse, Prongs, 'cause your mom's a ginger, and Lily's a ginger, and Ginny's gonna be a ginger, well of course she's a ginger, all Weasley's are gingers, I mean, have you seen Arthur?"

"…I don't know what you're talking about, _you _don't know what you're talking about, so please just shut up and stop babbling, mate, because Lily and I really need to ask you some questions, okay? So be serious-"

"I _am _Sirius, Prongsie, and I am also late, so if you'll excuse me…" he skipped off and up the stairs to the boy's dormitory, leaving the door wide open. Lily and James heard a mattress squeaking and covers rustling, and then a moment later, his snores floated out to them.

Lily shook her head. "That boy is just so-"

"I know," replied James, getting the gist of what she was about to say.

"And we didn't even get to tell him that we were going out now!" She said, disappointed.

"We can tell him in the morning. We'll tell everyone in the morning, at breakfast tomorrow. How does that sound?"

She smiled. "Perfect."

"Like me?" He asked teasingly.

Lily rolled her eyes and answered him with a light smack on the cheek. Then, without warning, she stood up on tiptoe and lightly pressed her lips to his.

"Well goodnight to you, too!" James called after her as she walked away.

Then, grinning, he climbed up the stars to go check on Sirius.

*Fin*

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Well, there you go, written on a whim. I was incredibly hyper at the beginning of this, but then I fell asleep at my computer and finished it when I was drowsy. So, sorry if it doesn't flow. Please review it, you beautiful, glorious, magnificent, Divine Being, you!


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